I hate having a uterus sometimes.

Really, though. Today is one of those days that I wish I had a penis. Be forwarned. This is not a happy post. This is me bitching and moaning about being a female and having problems post. So please do not read this if you don't want to hear emo babbling.

See that? Don't I look happy? That was a few years ago. I was able to enjoy life. Say "screw you" to the world and to troubles. Able to live my life freely and how I wished, even though I was still living at home. I was reckless and loving every minute of it.

But like they say, everyone has to grow up. I've done my fair share of growing up over the last year. Moved out on my own. Have hardly relied on my parents at all. I've been a big girl, honest.
But I just don't think I'm cut out for it.

I overthink and overanalyze everything. I love being in a relationship, but I have an overactive imagination that runs away with ideas and accussations that I know are absolutely obsurd and ridiculous, but I can't ever make them go away.

I'm always stressing out. Money, food, bills, dog. It's frankly driving me insane. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. Working full-time, coming home to try and maintain a life but knowing that I can't do that with the way my life is going. It's just depressing. Down right so.

And I hate the fact that I have no self-esteem. Seriously. I'm constantly criticizing myself and comparing myself to other females. I'll never compare. I'll never look anything like them. Porn stars, celebrities, beautiful people. Nope. Never. And frankly, I regret the fact that my parents couldn't have even spent a small bit of their time not criticizing me for my flaws when I was growing up, but making me feel like I was fine and beatiful just the way I was. That way I wouldn't be like I am now. I'm paranoid. Waiting for someone better to come along and take everything away. Waiting for everything to go away and for me to be left by myself. It's what I deserve, honestly. I'm paranoid and jealous and I can't control it at all. I try to, but it eats away at my soul to the point that I really feel like I'm going crazy. If only I could fix it...

I hope I get out of this kick soon because I really hate feeling emo. But I'm a major pessimist and so I never expect things to work out. Granted, it makes me feel amazing when things DO work out. I see it more as I'm protecting myself from getting hurt.

I need to make myself more vulerable. Live life a bit more again. Be a dumbass. Go crazy. But just get out and have some happy again. Being a hermit is never any fun. I just need to do something about this. And soonish before I go insane!

Until then, I'd like to share this:

And oh my have I held a LOT of beers! Lol. Hope I didn't make anyone too emo over this. I just had to get it out there. It was driving me nuts! ;)

I promise to be cheerier next time!

Kris